What is the origin of suffering? Why do some people seem to suffer from certain situations while others in the same circumstances don’t? Why can suffering get us stuck, making us feel powerless? Suffering has its roots in the meaning we give to the experiences in our lives. It is often connected with our past experiences as children. When we were little and guided by the adults around us, we perceived them as all-knowing beings who had no conception of wrong. This perception is important for children who need to believe they are safe in their environment. Many times, however, we aren’t. Some traumatic experiences have taught us that certain circumstances must be avoided at all costs because our safety was at risk. Moreover, through other people’s experiences of right and wrong, beautiful and ugly, allowed and not allowed, we learned to create the lenses through which we look at the world. We built a self-concept, our character used in the game of life. It’s not much different from creating a character in a video game. Through this self-concept, we tend to avoid unpleasant experiences that threaten our sense of safety in the world. For instance, if you grew up believing that spiders are scary, even if you don’t know why, you’ll hold that belief as a pivotal marker in your decisions. Maybe you’ll decide never to travel to exotic destinations or visit the mountains, and if you encounter a spider in your living room one day, you’ll desperately cry and feel upset. But why do you do that? Can you control it? The reason you suffer is that you believe you are scared of the spider. Everything causing suffering comes from a belief held over a situation, value, or experience. Nothing is inherently scary; it’s the meaning we give to it that is terrifying. Even with major life changes, like a spouse leaving or an employer firing you, it’s not about the fact itself; it’s about the meaning you give to it. For example, “if he left, it might mean I’m not enough, not worthy,” or “if he fired me, it might mean I’m not good enough for this job.” We make any change in life about ourselves, holding onto the meaning we give to it, and therefore we suffer. To become free, we must see ourselves as the essence that witnesses life happening. Instead of identifying with our experiences, we can learn to observe them. Recognizing that nothing is personal; it just happens, and you happen to be the witness. Life unfolds on different levels of consciousness. While we can’t dismiss the pain felt during certain events, we can let it pass through us without making it personal once its power has been expressed. This is a challenging endeavor, but it can significantly change how we live. It can determine whether we find meaning in our existence. I believe it’s worth a try.
