Have you ever wondered if there is a purpose that you are here for? Is there anything specific that you are meant to focus on in your life? Do you ever wonder what that is and how you are supposed to pursue that? Well, all of us, at some point in our lives, have wondered about it.
What I want to focus on is how to understand how to figure out which one is your calling. When we are children, it is pretty obvious what our character is: we might like to run, to play with flowers, or we are lost in a world of drawing and painting. After spending some time with a child, an adult can pretty comfortably say what that child likes and dislikes, what they struggle with and what comes easy for them. That is a big indicator of what that child’s purpose is. In fact, our life purpose is strictly related to our needs and desires. For example, if a child is introverted and likes to spend time alone reflecting on what he observes, that might be a trait of his expressive thoughtfulness which is a necessary skill to have to be a good writer, which happens to be his life purpose. This child is meant to become a great storyteller, and his ability to observe, process the information quietly, and transform it into words is part of his life purpose. So far so good.
What happens if the traits that make you you, that together are the tools that you need to express your life purpose, are criticized, rejected, and ostracized by the people around you? Let’s say, for example, that this child who is introverted is going to be bullied in middle school because instead of joining his classmates at lunch break he prefers to write instead. Is this child going to continue to do what he feels drawn to do, or is he going to give in to the judgment of his classmates, letting go of the things he enjoys for the sake of approval? The need for approval and community is biologically strong in any human being, to the point that often we give away who we are for the sake of it. So the first question to ask in the pursuit of purpose is: have I ever given away my personal truth and purpose for being accepted? What parts of it did I give away? Have I maintained some of it? This is the first step towards a better understanding of what you are meant to do in this life. Then, try to be as honest as possible with yourself and try to recall all the things that you still enjoy. These are the things that come natural to you; you don’t have to make any effort at all.
Now, see if you can witness any resistance towards it. In our example, now the child is an adult and he has a corporate job. He is not really happy, but at least he has the approval of his family and his coworkers. After work, he always walks past a bookstore, and at any title he reads, his heart warms and sings. He connects with those books more than he can do with his coworkers. Something happens when he tries to purchase a book, a weird feeling raises, and he ends up being bitter when he reads the biography of the author. That is his resistance towards his purpose. He learned that to survive in a group he had to suppress his most natural skills and talents. His resistance is a defense mechanism that his subconscious has learned to save him from rejection and judgment. His job now is going to be to sit with his resistance, understand that he is no longer a child, and he doesn’t need to be afraid of judgment as he used to fear it. Now he is an independent adult that can choose to follow his talents, and also he can choose the people around him to share it with.
This process is really difficult because you are literally trying to tell your nervous system to go against what it had learned to keep you safe from. If you want to put it that way, you have to teach your brain that a hungry tiger in front of you isn’t a danger, because that is how you perceive being rejected from the group. It is counterintuitive and scary; that is why it is so complicated. But it is possible. The day you will realize that this is necessary for the realization of your life purpose is when you are going to commit to challenge the tiger. The relief that will come as a consequence of facing it and winning over it is what you have always been looking for.
So it is definitely worth it! Just pick the right support system for you, your friends, family, support groups, a therapist, or a coach; pick the right environment and take good care of yourself with a good diet, exercise, and enough sleep. Prioritize your growth and well-being, and you are going to see what you are capable of!
